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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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