the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
