My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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