we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
