got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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