i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
