After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
