I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
