it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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