I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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