shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
