So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
