just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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