That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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