I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
