Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
