I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
