I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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