TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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