Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
