all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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