I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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