go do what you do best...puke behind churches
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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