we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
