What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
