you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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