Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
