well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
