we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Two words: nipple clamps
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