Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
