If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
