Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
