But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
