I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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