This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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