I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
