i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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