$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
