Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
