So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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