i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
