after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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