then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
