I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
