i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
