I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
