remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
