FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
