Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wow bdsm is so cute
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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