I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
