textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
