I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
