I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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